The month of May is both Asian/Pacific American Heritage Month (APAHM) and Mental Health Awareness Month. What other fitting way is there, to celebrate and engage in these designated themes that perfectly coincide with each other, than to do a tarot reading–using a tarot deck from the Asian American Literary Review. Continue reading
I always come late to the hype. Music, news, fashion–I get too lazy to join in and relish in the collective awe at the moment. For example, Kendrick Lamar’s DAMN. came out three weeks ago. His single “HUMBLE.” came out a month ago, and most people I know were freaking out over the song and music video. It was only last week that I got around to listening to both “HUMBLE.” and “DNA.” while sitting in a hospital waiting room. This past weekend, I bought the album on iTunes and thoroughly listened to it, from beginning to end. And yes, the entire thing is just… gotDAMN.
Also last weekend was the eleventh annual New York City Asian American Student Conference (NYCAASC) at NYU Kimmel Center. It was my first time attending, which is criminal on my part; as a (former) student of Asian American Studies, an event like this perfectly coincides with my discipline and prospective career. Now that the event is over, and I have had time to process all that happened, here are my thoughts.
When it comes to writing, I feel a combination of dread and excitement. Sometimes I am frustrated in finding the appropriate words to convey my thoughts in the best, most comprehensive way. But every time I perform the act of writing, I feel accomplished in taking that excruciating step in the first place–to reveal the contents of my mind on blank pages/text boxes that may or may not be read by other eyes. In other words, I love to write.
What I have a love/hate relationship with, is posting or publishing my work in a public space. Ironic, isn’t it? One of the implications of being a writer is to be accustomed to showing the work, for others to read and critique. For me, it is not just my creative work that I feel the need to protect from public eyes. It is also my thoughts, opinions, and viewpoints. I am always self-conscious of what I feel like sharing to others. It might be because of the fear of having my own words used against me, in the future. It might be unsolicited judgment or misunderstood criticism, when in no way was I trying to be malignant with my words. (Sometimes I will not have all the information to understand a given situation, and therefore my comment will sound off-putting to those who do have the knowledge, which can lead to embarrassing and overly apologetic interactions that causes one or more parties to lose face.) Nonetheless, it is because of this love/hate relationship with sharing things in public that I often find myself retreating “afk”.
But here, in this space (my blog), I find a better place to voice my Internal Self without fear and with the freedom to expand my thoughts.
This space is mine. There may not be enough material to show much of what I want to say, but it is plenty to prove that my mind never shuts off (even if I wanted to, at certain times). This space is where I can best show myself, my Internal Self, and have public eyes see what it is that I am expressing through words.
I love writing. I still call myself a writer and hope to get published, someday. I have not discussed any of my creative works to anyone because they are not fully developed to the point that I can articulate as a fluid body of work. But even if I remain silent through these public spaces, I am working in the background. It is there, and here, where I thrive.